usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i'll know better next time so i'm eating my one recommended citrus fruit for today, an orange. so excuse any spelling issues whilst i try not to dribble juice on my keyboard. so i was looking through some of my older diary entries last night as i talked on the phone and it came to my attention that i had a serious man hating problem at one time. it all started with the penis entry from 21 Jan 2002, which super suz has listed as one of her favorite entries. so i was reading it over and i'm thinking, this is pretty freakin funny. so i start scolling forward from there and i come across the following entries:
25 Jan 2002: all men blow goats
now, believe it or not, i actually do not hate men. well, not all men. lol i'm only kidding! i don't hate men. but reading back over those entries, and many others from the past 4 years, just shows me what a freakin idiot i have been! i cannot believe the shit i put up with from him! why on earth did i let him walk all over me the way i did? why did i let him treat me like garbage? i deserve so much better than that. and i know it, so how come it seems that i forgot for a few years? it makes me kind of mad looking back. i was so miserable and i pretended so hard to be happy that the memories of happy times that i can think back on now seem tainted by the fact that i can admit that i was unhappy for the majority of the time we were together. i deserve to be respected and he never respected me. he never respected my feelings, my thoughts, my family, my friends. nothing. he was totally 100% selfish the entire time we were together and i allowed it. and made excuses for it! i'm not mad at him though. i mean, he is who he is and i'm not saying this to excuse him. nothing excuses the way he treated me. but he will never change. he treated every woman before me the same way and he'll treat every one after me the same. i'm mad at me. i knew better. i knew i was settling for less than i deserved. i knew that i could do better. i knew i wasn't happy. why did i stay? i can't even come up with a plausible reason for why i put up with it. but, i guess i have to look at it the same way i look back on all of my mistakes now, it was a learning experience. i'll know better next time. 4:29 pm - 20 Jul 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
||||||