usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- moving to the sticks so recent events have kicked jeff and i in the ass. you know my dad had always planned to retire in three more years and move to the beach with my mom so they could spend the rest of their lives fishing and spoiling their future grandkids. now they will never be able to do those things. jeff and i have a friend who is also facing cancer. they are not yet even thirty. while i am certain from what i've been told that everything is going to be okay, it still terrifies me. jeff called me on his cell phone the night before last to let me know he was on his way home from work and i told him what i had learned about our friend. when he got home from work he sat on the couch and told me that we had to do something. we have dreams of owning our own business. but, we keep saying, we'll do it later, after we do such and such. it has hit is both hard in the past few days that you never know what life is going to deal you. we may not have a later or an after. neither of us want to get twenty years down the road and look back and say, gee, i really wish we had done that. so, we're going for it. and even if twenty years down the road we look back and say, okay, that really didn't work, at least we can say we had something we wanted to do and we tried it. there is a house in dinwiddie. it needs a lot of work, but it's $100 a month. it sits on like twenty acres. we're going to try to get it and move out there. we'll have all the space we need to start our breeding facility. we are going to start small, with feeders, mice, rats and rabbits. then later perhaps we can even get into breeding hamsters, guinea pigs, and chinchillas for pets. our snakes aren't going to be ready for major full scale breeding for at least another year or so anyway so it's better that we start now with the feeders in an effort to get our foot in the door so to speak. if we can build a loyal customer base now, with feeders, then when the time comes that we have some beautiful corn snake and boa clutches ready to sell, we will already have the reputation we need to help move the animals. it is a risk for us. and i am nervous. but then again, it feels right. i told my parents last night at the hospital what we wanted to do. at first, of course, my dad asked a million questions and i felt like he was trying to talk me out of it. then my mom said, what made you decide to do this? i took a deep breath because i knew i wouldn't be able to get it out without crying and i said that what is happening to daddy and to our friend has made us realize that we just have to go for it because you just never know what's going to happen. she hugged me and they both said that they understood and that they hoped it all worked out. they wished us good luck and said that if we needed them to let them know. i don't know if i can ever explain to her how much i really needed that from her. oh, and btw, i passed out at the hospital last night. lol good times. when i got there the nurse was inserting an iv thingy into my dad's arm because they had to give him two units of blood last night. anyway, she was tearing him up. he was in so much pain, he was jerking all over the place and yelling and it freaked me out. so i went over to the other side of the bed where he was holding the bed railing so tight his entire hand was white and i held his hand and let him squeeze the hell out of mine and i rubbed him arm to soothe him a little. i was watching her what she was doing and (sorry to gross anyone out) there was blood everywhere! she had hit his vein and not pinched the tube off when she removed the needle from his arm and it was on her, on him, on the bed, and a huge puddle of it was on the floor. now i am not a big fan of blood anyway, but to see my daddy's blood in a puddle on the floor kind of just sucked the wind right out of my chest. i got light headed and started hearing that far away ringing in my ears. luckily there was a chair right next to the bed where i was standing so i sat down. i was sweating buckets. litterally. i sweated through my clothes. when i got home last night it had been over two hours and my hair and clothes were still damp. ick. so my dad was fussing at me the whole time. and i'm sitting over there hyperventilating. i propped my feet up, hoping to get some blood back up to my brain and then it all went black. just for a second though. it took my almost thirty minutes to fully calm down and recover. thirty minutes with my dad next to me fussing the whole time. dammit, i'm the one she was hurting! here i am laying in a hospital bed and i have to take care of you! yada yada yada 10:30 am - 27 Sep 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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