usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- springer episode #9876678987654 so apparently jeff and i are moving again. where to you ask? we don't know yet. will we continue to live together you ask? again, we don't know yet. have i mentioned lately that men are bastards? scum of the fucking earth. sorry steve and juggy. of course not all men are scum of the earth. just jeff. and he's not rilly i'm just rilly pissed at him right now. anyway, so our company president found out that we were interviewing with another company and she doesn't want us to leave so she offered us another job. well, correction, she offered jeff another job. she wants jeff to run a truck center as manager and she'll pay him $30 thou a year. which would be nice for us. right? great, except that center managers have to pay for their own apartments and their own utilities. and, jeff's child support is going to go through the roof so even with the raise, we'd still be broke. so what are they offering me you ask? a part time relief manager job paying $6-$8 bucks an hour. can we say this sucks? she said we could stay here in this apartment until they found someone else to run this facility but that could anywhere from a month to a week so that doesn't rilly help us out a lot. we have no savings. no way to put down a deposit on an apartment or anything. so we'd have to stay with friends or something until we had enough money together to get our own place. problem being is that there is no place where we could stay together. tara, jeff's sister, doesn't have room for us both and she is pissed at jeff for other reasons anyway. if i went there i could have the spare room that used to be her uncle's room. luke, jeff's brother, doesn't have room for us both and jeff would have to take the couch if he stayed there. jeff's mom wouldn't allow us to stay "together" if you know what i mean so one of us would have to take the couch. plus, she has 2 cats and we are both allergic. i can stay with super suz (i love you chickie) and that would be cool except that i would feel like a total loser and like i was invading her space. i know she is used to living on her own and having the house to herself so i would totally feel like i was imposing in the worst possible way. i can't, i repeat, I CAN NOT go home to my parents. there would be no end to the torment. first of all, i don't think they'd offer and even if they did, there is no way. god, my therapist thinks i'm in the middle of a good depressive episode now, check my mood after a week back over there. no way in hell. anyway, so basically, if it comes down to staying with friends i suppose i will head to super suz's house and hang for a while and jeff will stay with luke. then hopefully after a paycheck or two from his new job we'd have enough money to put a security deposit and pay first months rent on an apartment over in one of the complexes near where his store is located. so now i am faced with the wonderfully fun task of looking for a job again. yay! i can hardly wait. i may be able to get uhaul to give me an assistant manager position in a center somewhere. bryan even mentioned something about me eventually being jeff's assistant but we'll see. god, i am sick and tired of depressing entries. i signed up to have my diary reviewed today by my-reviews but can i write anything funny? can i have another great penis entry? no, i have to add to the evidence that my life is one big jerry fucking springer episode. btw, my-michele rocks sel's balls. oh, suz, jeff overheard most of our convo yesterday because the ceilings here are right thin and i was being slightly (okay, that's an understatement if i ever heard one lol) loud because i was upset and pissed. so he comes upstairs last night to help me reach some stuff on a top shelf and he's like all like, "i'm offended." offended by what and by whom i ask. by your comments about when i turn 40. he says. oh that. well, don't worry, i say. i'm almost positive that you'll never turn out to be that man your dad is. (i was still way pissed) you should have seen the look on his face. oh really he says. not that it matters, i'm pretty sure i won't be around to see you turn 40 anyway, is my comeback, i'm not even sure i'll see you turn 30. well, if that's the way you feel about it, he says all quiet in that voice he gets when he stops joking around. it's not the way i feel about it jeff, but since when did the way i feel about anything matter to you any goddamn way. he just stood in the doorway for a minute and looked at me so i turned around and walked into the kitchen and pretended to check on the lasgna. basically, i didn't want him to see that i had started crying. anyway, so i stood there waiting to hear the door close and him go back downstairs. he stood there for a full minute before he closed the door and left. i know because i watched the clock on the microwave. lol hey, if i went on springer, i'd get to meet steve. =) that would so rock. lol 11:25 am - 26 Jan 2002 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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