usmcsis's Diaryland Diary

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My name is Pierre...

I am an Izzardite!

So today we will laugh. The following list is made up of some of my favorite Eddie Izzard quotes from his HBO special "Dressed to Kill." Enjoy, and laugh...

No flag, no country, that's the rules.
That I've just made up.

I love the smell of Europe in the morning.

So, they set off from Plymouth and landed in Plymouth.
How lucky.

I didn't do it.
I was dead at the time.

Ciao.

We had the Druids. Long white robes, long white beards. Early transvestites.

They built Stonehenge, the largest Henge in the world. No one's ever built another Henge like it since.
No one knows what the fuck a Henge is...

They had Jeff, the God of Biscuits and Simon, the God of Hairdo's.

I am the Emperor Fabulous.
Oh, yes you are.

7th wife made out of jam.

Go Shaggy. Go Scooby.
The rest of the guys driving the van, fuck off.

I poked a badger with a spoon.

Wise learned man ejaculation.

I am a Frankfurter.

It's slang.
He's American, he's a donut.

At school I didn't tell people I was a transvestite because I thought they might kill me with sticks.

You can't get out onto the moon and say, look, it's all sticky.

Pulse optional.

I've got legs.
Do you like bread?
Bye, I love you.

I've got to go now, my grandmother's on fire.

I like my women like I like my coffee.
Hot and strong, with a spoon in them.

Splashy-splashy is the aquatic equivalent to do you want a cup of coffee.

Cake or Death?
I'll have the cake as well.
Sorry, we're out of cake. We only had three bits.
So my choices are, or death? Then I'll have the chicken.

HO HO HO Baby Jesus. What would you like for Christmas?
Peace on earth and goodwill for men.
How about a nice clockwork train?
Oh! Yes, thank you.

We can't all do big arms.

Your tailights out and you've got no knees.

Crack your bones Crack your bones!

It's very difficult to say Heimlich Manuever when you're choking to death.

What is it Sebastian? I'm arranging matches.

We play bad guys in movies because of the Revolutionary War.
The Death Star was chock full of British actors.

Hilda, Hilda, wake up, I have invented a manooooooova.

It's not really a manuever at the moment.
It's more a gesture.

Did you fuck my wife?
I am your wife.
That doesn't matter!

Oh no, space monkeys are attacking!

My name is Pierre.
I have come from France.
I have come to have sex with your family.

11:40 am - 10 Sep 2002

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