usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- happy early merry chistmas so it's tuesday and i'm off from taget because i had to work sunday. but i have to be at the gas station this afternoon sometime. i'm not sure if it's 3 or 4. anyway, so i need to load the dishwasher, feed and water the ferrets, get in the shower, get dressed and get out of here. i did most of my christmas shopping last thursday when i was off but then i had to return one of drake's gifts because i found out he was already getting it. so i'm a step back again but that's okay. it feels so good to be able to buy gifts for the people i love this year. last year we were so broke we spent our last $30 on the kids and didn't buy food for two weeks. but this year there is money, my money, and jeff's to be honest. he gives me money every few weeks here and there. he's still trying to pay on his past due child support and once he gets that under control then he'll be able to give me more to put towards our bills. but i decided that i wasn't going to stress about bills and junk like that right now. i am going to have a good christmas. i am going to spend my hard earned money (and it is hard earned believe me) on the ones i love and after the new year then, i'll send every dime i make to the bill collectors. it's the time of year when my depression always hits really bad but i refuse to let it this year. it really is mind over matter. i can feel myself starting to be down and starting to be sad and tired but i refuse to give into it. i mean, hell, i am tired, very tired. but my body tells me every afternoon that i need to go to bed when i get home. but i can't do that. i can't give in to that. sometimes i will allow myself to lay down for a little nap but usually only if i also have a headache or if i've just taken some sinus medicine or something and i always set my clock for 90 minutes. that is the most that i'll let myself sleep for. besides, if i sleep all afternoon then i won't be able to sleep at night and then i will be tired again the next day. see, it's a vicious cycle. ao, anyway, i need to get off of here and get a move on. i can't stand just sitting in the house on my day off and doing nothing. it drives me crazy. see ya. oops, almost fogot, we have one new member in the cheap pop whore diaryring. (yes, it does still exist.) her name is JadeMercy7 so check her out. toodles. 9:44 am - 09 Dec 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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