usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- back home with beavis it wasn't nearly as hard as i thought it would be. that must mean that it was the right thing to do. it was time to end it i guess. i took him over to jennie and jill's to drop him off and sierra saw us pull up. she ran to the car yelling cindy cindy cindy cindy! she was jumping up and down and hugging me. then she pulled me over to her little blanket in the yard where she was playing to show me her books and jewlery. she wanted me to read to her so i read her like three books. jennie came to me and asked me for my phone number here at my parents house so that she can get with me about spending time with the kids and so that sierra can call me if she wants. she said sierra is having a rough time with jeff and i seperating. she said she's been real upset. she was like you still have my number right? you can call anytime. i guess if even jennie wants me to stay a part of the kids' lives that makes me feel a lot better about things. i kept trying to leave to come home but between jeff and sierra it took me a while to finally get in the car and go. i was heading to the car the first time and sierra was like, cindy you have to wait, i want to write something for you first. so jeff and i stood at the car and talked for a minute while she ran in the house and got a piece of paper and a marker and then she ran over to me and gave me this paper that has one word on it. all it says is L O V E. talk about heartbreaking. she gave it to me and started to run off. i was like, hey girl, you better get back here and give me a hug. so she ran back and hugged me again for the thousandth time and kissed me and whispered in my ear that she loved me. when i finally left she waved and blew me kisses until i drove off and she couldn't see me anymore. driving off and leaving her today was harder than leaving jeff. i almost had a pity party last night. i couldn't help it, before i knew it that thought popped in my head. you know, that thought that everyone has, well, everyone i know anyway, after you break up with someone. the "what's wrong with me?" thought. but i stopped myself. you know what? nothing is wrong with me. it's his loss to have to spend the rest of his life without me. he will never find anyone else like me. even jennie told him in front of me today that she really hopes he can get his life together soon. so yeah, it's his loss. as long as i remember that we can save the partying for my birthday. :) there will be no pity parties in this house. lol i don't mean for that up there to sound all conceited or anything. it's true though. i do hope that one day he will be able to find someone and have a happy life with them, but there is only one me. and he let me go. 2:24 pm - 22 Jun 2003 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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