usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- out of sorts i'm tired, it is so past my bedtime. i can't sleep. tossing and turning. it's hot and i'm sweaty and uncomfortable and my brain just won't shut up, thinking about things i talked about with cathy tonight, things i haven't talked about with cathy any night. maybe if my dad wins the lottery tonight we can turn the air conditioner on tomorrow? i should take a sleeping pill but i don't want to. haven't taken one in a couple of weeks, don't want to need one. i'm scared of them. makes sense i guess when you consider that pills have in the past been my number one choice when it came to try to die. things are going well, i don't want to die, find it sad and silly and scary that i ever did feel that way. nonetheless, i'm scared that the weakness will come back, overtake me, control me again. it doesn't take much you know. 11:08 pm - 09 May 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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