usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- randomness can be tiring too another month is over and it's may already. at least, it will be shortly. after may is june, my twenty-ninth birthday and half of the year will be gone. i'm counting the hours already until four tomorrow afternoon, when i can clock out for the day and not have to go back until tuesday morning. it makes me sad to think back just a few months ago when going to work made me happy and i enjoyed my job. now i dread it and the very thought of it makes me feel sick. at least the people i work with are wonderful, they make it worth the trouble. i hate to leave and start all over again somewhere else, the company is great and the benefits are better than i'd find most anywhere else, but my co-workers give me my real reasons to stay. i've been feeling very sad and down lately. exhausted too actually. i want to do nothing but sleep. part of it is from my unhappiness at work i know, i'm guessing perhaps it may be time to increase my zoloft dosage and see if that doesn't help. life in general is going well. bills are getting paid, if a bit slowly, at least i'm feeling like i'm making some headway with them. i'm excited about the prospect of starting school within the next few months and i'm thinking about joining the y. i have a couple of friends who go there and it'd be nice to go with them and work out together, maybe take a yoga class or a water aerobics class, though that would involve the purchase of a bathing suit, and while i am mostly feeling better and more comfortable with myself, i'm not sure i'm quite ready to go there. lol
i'm tired. it's ten-thirty and past my bedtime. i've spent most of the evening reading and basically hiding from my dad. we had another screaming match this evening for essentially no reason at all. i asked him a question and he started yelling and insulting me. of course, as always, he apologized later, he's not feeling well, he's tired, whatever, i don't remember what his i love him, he's my dad. but i don't like him very much. i asked cathy if that made me a horrible person. she replied that we can't pick our family and liking them isn't a guarantee. i still feel horribly guilty about it. he's my dad after all, i should like him shouldn't i? ah well, i will worry about it another day. besides, i came to the conclusion years ago that he doens't like me very much either. toodles 10:23 pm - 30 Apr 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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