usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- i bore myself part two mama and i have decided that in two weeks when we have the weekend off again we are having an estate sale at grandma's house. if i continue to attempt to sell her things on ebay it will take me the next 50 years. while i have been selling a lot of stuff, and thanks to those of you, cosmic, rete, yvonne, and fallon, who have bid on and bought my items. i really appreciate it. i will continue to post some of her things, things that i personally want to sell, things that i think we can get a better price for online, or things that i personally know peeps who are interested in buying. (pssst! yvonne, i haven't forgotten about emailing you the cameras lol i've just been feeling a bit insane lately) anyway, if i don't get back on some meds here soon you guys may end up hearing about me on the news. i'm even having to stay away from my favorite message board in the whole world, where i am also a mod heehee, because i am feeling like chewing on people's faces and that's just not nice. of course, i'm not blaming that feeling 100% on the lack of meds, but i do know that it is partially to blame. *sigh* seriously, if this doctor's office calls me one more time to cancel, i'm just showing up anyway. fuck 'em. you'd think since they work in a psychatrist's office they'd be a bit more wary of pissing off the crazy folks. *shrugs* i need sleep and i need medication and goddammit! somebody is going to help me tuesday whether they like it or not! lol yeah, so that's enough of that. i've been trying to hold it all together for the last few weeks but i'm pretty much at the breaking point right now. it's scary to see how much i need my medication. i mean, i'm a bitch when i'm all anti-depressant-ed up, i must have been a fucking nightmare before i got medicated. i really never wanted medication. it was a last resort, one that looking back on now, i most certainly do NOT regret. i saw going on medication as admitting failure, admitting that there was something wrong with me. granted, it's something that a lot of people can't see. i mean my dad lives with me and my mom, we are both manic depressive, obssesive-compulsive, we both have border-line personality disorder, and i am paranoid and have full scale anxiety attacks. but, it's just in our heads according to him. he doesn't believe in what is wrong with us and if he doesn't believe in it, then it doesn't exist thankyouverymuch. he's of the opinion that i could sleep if i just went to bed and lay there for a while, and he's convinced that i oversleep in the morning simply because i'm lazy and i just don't want to get up. and he's convinced that my fear of the dark is stupid. so much so that he thought he would be slick and turn out the lights on me the other night. it's funny how a full scale panic attack can freak a man straight the fuck out despite the fact that he doesn't believe in them. bah. enough of this. i'm out. toodles 9:31 pm - 13 Mar 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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