usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- feeling a little better please excuse my earlier whining entry. i'm feeling super sorry for myself and i just can't seem to snap out of it. i'll try to keep the whining to a minimum here. thanks fallon, you are the best. and i'll be taking you up on that offer too so expect a phone call sometime this weekend. except i have to figure out the whole time difference thing and that's always a pain in the ass. and it's not so much that i wanted to call my friends and cry on them about my grandma and such because that is so not what i wanted to talk about. i wanted to talk about anything and everything except losing her and all of the stress that has come along with it. i wanted to talk about life, not death, and i wanted to laugh instead of cry. and it's not like i expect my friends to sit at home and wait for me to call them so that they can cheer me up or whatever, because i totally don't expect that. i know people have lives and jobs and families and stuff. it just got me so down that every time i tried to call someone they weren't home or they weren't answering their cell phone and i just wanted to talk to someone outside of my family about anything other than my family. does that make sense? anyway, so, work tonight was good. i open in the morning, get off at four and have a three day weekend. i never get a long weekend so i'm pretty happy. it was a scheduling fluke and it will probably never happen again, but i'll take what i can get. tomorrow my cousin and i will both head straight for grandma's when we get off of work. we have major shredding to do with her personal papers that are no good. and we are still in the process of looking for more insurance papers. and it sure would be nice to find a will, though i'm pretty sure we won't. there's a goddamn mouse in the attic over top of my room and it is scratching the plywood and it's driving me nuts. it's not quite as bad now as it is when i'm trying to go to sleep and they are right over my bed making noise which of course freaks junebug out so she won't go to sleep and even if i could fall asleep through the damn mouse noise, junebug keeps jumping up every few minutes and barking at the ceiling. i hate fucking mice. anyway, so i want to thank everyone again for all of the notes and emails in the past few weeks. i really appreciate all of your kind words and thoughts and prayers. they really helped me a lot and made me feel really cared about and special. my dland family so rocks. i'm feeling a bit better in case you haven't noticed. the depression is still here but i'm not drowning in it like i was earlier today. i had a good night at work and staying busy helped of course. i'm looking forward to spending more time with my cousin at my grandma's tomorrow so that's making me feel better too. it's comforting to be in her house surrounded by her things. and my cousin and i have gotten so very close in the past week that i am especially looking forward to spending more time with her. her dad has threatened us both with bodily harm if we don't continue to spend time with each other after we have gotten so close. we have discovered that we really are a lot alike. more so than i ever expected. we were never really really close when we were young because of our age difference. when i was five and she was ten, that was a big difference. but now that i'm twenty eight and she's thirty three it's not such a big difference anymore. anyhoo, so i'm going to bed with my bug and her stuffed skunk and my book. thanks to all of you guys who stick with me through my insane mood swings and pity parties. i love you guys. oh yeah, i almost forgot, i had two new members join the cheap pop whores. they are focusonyou and jensanimals so check them out. toodles 11:45 pm - 02 Dec 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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