usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- blah i was going to make an entry but now i don't really feel like it. i think i'm going to go play mahjong instead until it's time to get ready for work. i'm back. it's not even noon yet and i'm bored. very bored. i could clean my room but i don't feel like it. besides, i'm already doing laundry and my current limit of household chores is one at a time. what i really want is to crawl back under the covers and sleep. but if i do that i know i'll be even more tired when i get up and i'll want to go to work even less than i do right now. if that's even possible. will bought me the sims 2 for christmas. he gave it to me already because he'll be in africa here shortly until sometime next year. i've only played once so far but i like it. i've just been too busy and too sad and too depressed to play anymore. i could play now but i don't really feel like it because i could get caught up in it, like i usually do, and then, next thing i know, it'd be time for me to go to work and i'd be late or something. so no sims. i feel so, blah. i don't want to read, i don't want to watch tv, i even turned down the offer of watching harry potter a.t.p.o.a. with my dad. i don't want to do anything online, i don't want to play any of my games. i want to go to bed, but, then again, i don't really want to do that either. i know what is wrong. i know i'm depressed and i even know it's because of grandma and all of the stress of everything that is going on right now. usually knowing why can help me kick myself in the ass and move on and get over it fairly quickly. but not right now. it's like i just don't care. i tried to call a couple of friends last night, all of whom told me to call anytime i was feeling down or whatever because of grandma, and i couldn't get in touch with any of them. and haven't been able to in over a week now. why do they make the offer if they don't want me to take them up on it? jeff of course showed up yesterday to console me but he just wants to fuck me so it's not like he's doing it out of the goodness of his own heart. i know my friends have lives and i'm not expecting them to drop everything to be there for me, i'm just feeling sorry for myself. ignore me. i'm going now. i need a cigarette so i think i will go for a ride. i'm too restless to just sit out on the porch. maybe i'll go by taco bell for lunch. god i hate myself so much when i am this depressed, i don't care about anything. it's actually depressing to be this depressed. i'm warning you now, if i don't snap out of this soon, my entries are going to be even more crap than usual. blah 10:54 am & 11:48 am - 02 Dec 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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