usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- emotions and stuff so i'm getting ready to go to the funeral. i've spent the morning preparing the last of the food for this afternoon. a few people brought some things over this morning, drinks and desserts mainly, but every bit helps as neither me nor my parents have a ton of money right now. i'm supposed to be getting dressed but instead i'm sitting here in my robe with my hair still wet and uncombed dripping down my back. it's setting in now, hitting home, sinking in, whichever metaphor you choose to use. my chest feels tight, my eyes prickly with tears. perhaps you all don't care to read about my every emotion as i go through this but i feel the need to record it, to write it down, to remember later. i dread getting dressed, fixing my hair, putting on my makeup. at this point it seems so hard and so pointless. i'm sitting here staring at my clothes laid out on the bed and i know that i will have to force myself out of this chair and across the room to dress. but i don't want to. that reminds me, i haven't taken my effexor this morning. i'd like to think that perhaps some of these feelings can be blamed on that, but somehow, i doubt it. okay, i will go now. only thirty minutes left before we have to be at the funeral home so i don't have much choice now. 12:47 pm - 30 Nov 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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