usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- feeling good woohoo! someone searched yahoo for "Eddie Izzard "bad guys in movies" and guess how many sites were listed? one! mine. how friggin nifty is that? after last nights expletive filled venting entry today will be nice and mellow. i'm off, i got to sleep late. even though i did wake up with a headache. but, and not to give everyone way too much information, when i'm having my "woman's week" as my ex-husband used to call it, dork that he was, migraines are inevitable due to the changing levels of hormones surging around. it sucks, but that's life. daddy had a doctor's appointment at the cancer center in the city today. he just had to have his catheter port flushed and cleaned. they have to flush it every so many weeks or whatever to make sure he doesn't get infected or whatever. he's had the port now for over two years i think. i wish they could remove it, but it would cause him more pain than is necessary. and should anything ever happen and they needed to use it, it would be good that he already had it. *shrugs* it's weird though, when i hug him, and i can feel it against my cheek. by the way, his catheter, is in his chest. i just realized that i hadn't mentioned that. :P it's actually just below his collarbone on the right side of his chest. it's just another one of those necessary evils that come along with fighting to live. sunday morning mama got up and went to goodwill to wander around and search for stuffed animals to buy for junebug and beavis since they had recently killed the last of their toys. so she came home with like four animals. the first one died within a few hours. it was a little stuffed dog and beavis ripped his head off and scattered his stuffing from one end of the house to the other. junebug's first toy is still mostly alive. he's missing his tail and one leg but the rest of his stuffing is still intact so i won't trash him for another day or so. mama also bought one of those pound kitties from back in the day. well junebug has an issue with this cat. she thinks she's real and she does not like it one bit. last night mama set the cat on her bed and junebug came down the hall and saw it and freaked out! she was barking and growling, the fur was standing up on her back. it was hilarious. and all the while she's being so ferocious, she's backing farther and farther away! so i snuck into mama's room and got down on the floor so bug couldn't see me and i made the cat move all over the bed. bug went crazy! but she was too scared to get up on the bed and investigate. finally she jumped up and grabbed the thing and proceeded to shake the daylights out of it. talk aboust shaken kitty syndrome. so when we went to bed last night bug brought the kitty into our room and continued playing with it for a while. and when i say "continued playing with it" read, continued kicking it's ass. so it's one in the morning and we go to bed and around seven this morning bug wakes me up barking. usually i get up to get ready for work sometime between six and six-thirty in the morning and that's when bug gets up and goes outside to pee. on my days off she wakes me up when she needs to go, or, if my door is open, she'll jump down and go get my dad to let her out. well, daddy turned off the ac yesterday so it was hot and muggy in the house last night so i left the door open in hopes that i would get some ventilation. so bug was going to jump down on her own and go about her morning business when she looked over the edge of the bed. there was a cat sitting in my bedroom floor. she went friggin apeshit. it was so funny. she totally forgot that she had kicked that cat's ass last night and all she knew was that somehow a cat had gotten in our room and it was sitting down there staring at her. granted it has a bit of stuffing coming out of the hole in it's head, and a bit more coming out of the hole in it's back, but junebug has never gotten close enough to a real cat to know that these are signs that the cat at the foot of your bed is not much of a threat. she is so wonderful. to be quite honest, mama and i both think that if we didn't have junebug, daddy would not still be with us. he enjoys her so much. he said she just loves life so much, she runs for the sheer pleasure of running, she plays and plays and plays and when she gets tired she takes a nap for a few minutes and plays some more. and she loves him so much. she gets up in his lap and curls up and takes her naps, or i'll come home and she'll be sitting on the top of his chair, basically on top of his head, just chilling out. she makes him very happy. she makes all of us very happy. she is so full of life and fun and you just can't help but smile when you see her. but at the same time, watching daddy play with her makes me sad. it isn't fair that he'll never get to hold his (human) grandchildren in his lap. he'll never get to tell my babies that he loves them and make up silly nicknames for them. he'll never get the chance to spoil them rotten, which he so would. he spoils the dog for crying out loud. and my children, and my brother's children, will never get to know a grandfather who would love them so completely and selflessly as my daddy would. last week when i was at cathy's i told her how i felt about these things and she made a suggestion to me. that i should get some children's books from the library and have my dad read them and record him. he could do it during the day while mama and i were at work and he could read to junebug and beavis. it would give him something to do, and it would pass along something special and wonderful to my children. he read to me constantly when i was a little girl. that's one of the reasons that i'm such an avid reader now. i remember crawling up i his lap with a stack of books for him to read to me when i was just three or so. will had just been born and it was important to my parents that i got special time with each of them so that i didn't feel resentful towards the baby. they drive me nuts in so many ways and there are times when i wish i were somewhere else, anywhere but in this house with them, but, they did their best, and they were, are, good parents. they loved us and took care of us, and made sure that we knew we were both special. and reguardless of how much he yells or acts like an ass, i know he loves me more than anything in the world. and that knowledge will get me through a lot i think. i can hold on to that when the time comes to say goodbye. i've been working on this entry now for close to an hour. i keep getting up and walking away from it. playing with junebug or talking to daddy. so i think i'm going to wrap it up now. i've been almost a week with either no mt dew at all or one a day on occasoin and i think with this nasty headache today i'm going to allow myself one. so i'll get dressed, yes, i am still sitting around in my pj's at eleven thirty in the morning, and head to the store down the way and get one. i've already had over forty ounces of water this morning because i was feeling dehydrated this morning from smoking so much yesterday. i always smoke more when i'm around jeff. oh, i forgot to tell about hanging out with jeff yesterday. he took me to see his brother's daughter. the baby who would have been my niece. she is so precious, i am completely and totally in love. but that's a story for later on. i have some laundry to finish, an appointment with cathy in the city, and paperwork to do at tarzay later on. toodles for now 10:40 am - 28 Sep 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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