usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- to see a shrink or not to see a shrink... jeff thinks i need to "talk to someone." meaning he thinks i need to see some kind of therapist or counsoler or something. sadly, i think he might be right. i get depressed every winter. it always happens. but it doesn't usually hit this soon and this bad. i cried this morning because the bathtub is dirty. i yelled at jeff over cheesy bread this afternoon. i cried 3 times in the office today for no reason at all. no one else was even there. i've been trying to blame everything on stress and on the new living/working situation. but i can't blame it on those things anymore. honestly, i'm just not that stressed. we're doing okay financially. i mean, we could be better, but hell, who couldn't do better right? jeff and i are okay. as okay as we can get anyway. lol work is going fine. we both love our job. and basically, even though we work for u-haul inc, we're our own bosses. there's no one to answer to but each other. for some reason lately, i've been stuck on this thing that i can't do anything right, that i fuck everything up, even though it isn't true. but if anything at all goes wrong at work or whatever, i automatically blame myself. my self esteem has never been great but i think i'm hitting a new all time low here and jeff is worried about me. hell, i'm worried about myself. my mood swings are scary. i'm going from laughing to crying in the same breath. i'm downright fucking obnoxious. i'm rude to everyone. i can't even stand myself right now, i don't see how anyone else can stand to be around me either. the thing is, i don't know why. i yell at him even though i'm not mad about anything. i cry even though i'm not sad. all i want to do is sleep. this is way worse than my normal winter blah's. i'm scared. the bad thing is that we don't have any insurance at work and won't be eligible for any until march and i just can't stand this for that long. i spent part of the day today looking in the phonebook for some county agencies to see if maybe i can get some free or cheap help until our insurance kicks in. i'm going to try to call them on monday and see what i can find out. 10:01 pm - 01 Dec 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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