usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- sad rant last night daddy and my aunt had made the decision to take grandma off of the life support. this morning everyone was at the hospital to do the last "goodbye". my cousin and her husband stayed out of work and kept their kids home from school so they could say their goodbyes too. we were all up there by eight this morning. when daddy and my aunt finally got to go in and see her close to ten, the nurse said her kidney function had improved. now they have decided to leave her on the life support. i can't handle this over and over again. none of us can. my cousin and i feel the same way and we are both angry, aggravated, and confused. i can't stand this and it makes me mad at my dad and my aunt. the doctor has said she is not going to recover. even this morning with her kidney function improvement, he still feels that she will not recover, yet they are still grasping at straws. i feel like i must sound heartless and i don't mean to at all. i don't want my grandmother to die. but she deserves a better life than this. she deserves more than to spend the rest of her years hooked to machines, living in a nursing home, oblivious to the world around her. she deserves better than that and so do we. daddy has fought hard for his life in the past few years. he struggled with his cancer and he won that battle. he came very close to losing on more than one occasion, but he fought harder every time. he deserves more of a life than he'll have sitting in a room in the nursing home staring at his mother connected to wires and tubes. he deserves to have memories of her full of life, not laying in a bed, empty and unaware. i want to be there to support him but i don't support this. i can't. i don't believe in it. he is angry with me for that, but he is the one who taught me to form my own beliefs and stick by them. i will be writing out my own will as soon as i finish posting this, complete with my DNR (do not resuscitate) order. i never want to put my family, whether it be my parents, my brother, my spouse and children, through this pain and conflict. 10:41 am - 19 Nov 2004 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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