usmcsis's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- drunk and depressed well steve, here it is my fine english friend, just for you. okay, so it isn't rilly just for you, it's for me cause if i don't get some of this out soon i think i'm gonna explode, but anyway, you know what i mean. so here it is with a cheap pop to you in the first sentence. =) before i fo any further let me give you a little disclaimer here. the shit that you are about to read is pathetic. i am very depressed right now and so not everything i am saying is making a lot of sense. sorry steve. i just can't seem to summon the happiness for you man. i tried. have you ever heard the saying ignorance is bliss? well, whoever said that apparently had a rilly fucked up view of life. ignorance is not bliss. it sucks to not know what is going on. it sucks rilly bad when you don't even know what is going on in your own life. apparently sometime in the past week i completely lost my friggin mind. jeff and i were supposed to go out on my birthday, last saturday. i arranged for his sister to watch the kids for us and we were going to go to a resturant that doesn't serve it's food out of a little window in the side of the building. then, and sorry for the blue zone here, but we were going to go be adults for a little while. so, jeff was supposed to be ready and have the kids ready to go when i got to the apartment at 6:30. was he ready? no. he was asleep on the couch. he hadn't even taken a friggin shower yet. did he get up when i got there? no. he laid there for like another 45 mintues before he got up and got ready to go. jennie met me at the door and told me happy birthday. jennie. of all people. jennie told me happy birthday. did my boyfriend tell me happy birthday? yes. at 11 fucking thirty when i was too friggin drunk to care. so anyway, we took the kids to tara's house and basically we didn't speak the entire way there and most of the way back. i kept asking where he wanted to go but he said he didn't care, he just didn't want to go somewhere where there were a lot of people. so that pretty much ruled out any-frggin-where. then he said he wasn't really hungry. i hadn't eaten all day long because i had been saving my points for when we went out but i was too pissed to even care that i was hungry. so i went to mcdonald's to the drive thru and ordered 2 large fries. then i went to the grocery store. jeff asked where i was going and i just said wherever the fuck i want to. so i went in and bought myself a nice big 12 pack of mike's hard lemonade. for those of you who haven't tried it, i suggest it, it is very yummy. it does kind of make your lips go numb after you've had a few but that's just the lemon juice, not the alcohol. so anyway then we went back to the apartment since jennie was spending the night with her boyfriend and i proceeded to get absolutely completely shit-faced drunk. i drank 11 of the 12. and enjoyed every fucking moment of it. there are reasons why i don't drink too often. i can never just drink one or two. if i drink, i get drunk. and i like it. i enjoy it way too much. i could honestly see myself becoming an alcoholic if i'd let myself. i like drinking. i enjoy being drunk. i can't say i enjoy the day after but i don't get hungover too often so that rilly isn't much of a problem. anyway, so jeff was a little upset with me for getting so drunk but then i was a lot upset with him so i guess we're even. but then wednesday, the 4th, i rilly stepped in it. i was under the impression, obviously a mistaken impression but oh well, that i was going to see jeff that evening. so i tried to call and i tried to call and i couldn't get in touch with him. well, he's moving this week and i have some things over at the apartment that he was storing for me cause i didn't have enough closet space at home. so anyway, my brother was going to go to storage thursday morning and put some things in there and he said he would take the stuff i had at jeff's if i could get it. so i figured since no one was there no one would mind if i just showed up and got my jackets out of the closet. so as i was leaving i ran into jennie and her boyfriend with drake in the car. jennie asked if i could let her into the apartment since she doesn't have a key. so i turned around and let her in and we got to talking. somehow, a few hours later we are drunk off our asses. well, not really somehow, i mean, i know how. we were sitting outside talking and smoking and she ran out of cigarettes. her car is broke again so she didn't have any way to get to the store plus drake was upstairs asleep so she called brian. brian is the guy that she cheated on jeff with. so brian came over with some cigarettes and some whiskey. and some orange juice cause jennie was drinking screw drivers. so anyway, to make a long story short we all three got shit faced and jeff came home and wasn't very happy with any of us. i was in the process of drinking as much water as possible in an attempt to sober up enough to drive home when he got there but when brian passed me the last of the whiskey while jeff just stood there and glared at me i said fuck it and tipped the bottle up thus undoing all the sobering i had done in the past hour. so anyway, jennie and i eventually sobered up enough to realize that we were both in serious trouble so we cleaned the parking lot up, we had been setting off fireworks and we sort of had a mess out there and sobered up. then i went home and crashed. it was a quarter to three in the morning when i hit the bed. my alarm went off at a quarter till seven. i was not a very happy person. but oh well. at least whiskey never gives me a hangover. good ol' jim beam. he's the best kind of man. he makes me feel rilly rilly good, then, when i wake up the next morning, and he's gone. there's no guilt, no vomiting, no headache. jim rocks. but i digress. so i haven't seen jeff since i stumbled to my car (i in no way condone driving while intoxicated btw) late wednesday night, early thursday morning. we talked for a few minutes yesterday and i tried to get in touch with him today but it seems he is avoiding me. i'm not sure if he's pissed cause i got drunk twice in like 3 days or if he's pissed cause i got drunk with jennie. i'm thinking it is highly possible that it is the latter. so anyway, basically i am at a loss. he is moving in with his brother in like 4 days and if we don't break up before then, i have this feeling that we won't last much longer. and not just because of the whole drinking thing either. there is so much other stuff going on but i just don't have the time or the energy to get into it here. besides, why the hell would you all want to read this shit anyway? can we all say it together now? cindy is a loser. that's right. i need a life. does anyone have one to spare or know where i can get one kind of cheap cause i'm pretty broke until next friday... here ya go steve, just for you, a happy note. my friend mike just called me from new mexico. he's in the army and he's stationed here in virginia but he was sent over to germany for a few months and then his father committed suicide (okay, so it isn't a rilly happy moment but it's the best i got right now) so he had to leave germany and go home to new mexico to take care of everything. i swear i had a happy moment in here somewhere. oh, i remember know. he said he rilly missed seeing me, cause we have't seen each other since like last august and that he was looking forward to hanging out with me when he gets home in a couple of weeks. see, a happy thing. he said some other stuff about jeff being lucky to have me in his life and shit but i'm not feeling real happy about that right now so i'll just leave that part out. see you guys later. 9:54 pm - 06 Jul 2001 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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